Buy clothespins. Put them in a drawer so you know where they are, even though you’ll probably never need them.
If you can’t remember the last time you changed your sheets, it’s time to change your sheets.
Keep at least 2 cans of tuna in the pantry. You’ll want them at some point, I promise.
Stash an umbrella in the back seat of your car. Buy a second so you have it to get to your car in the first place.
Remember that cute pair of shoes you only wore once that you can’t bear to donate? Wear them around the house just to strut your stuff. You go, girl.
Buy the cheap wine. You won’t feel guilty opening it on a Tuesday night.
Respond to that text you’ve been ignoring for a week, or a month. Spin an elaborately vague story – “sorry, my mom’s been in the hospital, she’s okay but whew what a scare!” This is important: check first if your mom knows the person. You only make that mistake once.
Take pleasure in the things around you. This is your hoard. Guard it and cherish it.
Kick out the annoying roommate and get a dog instead. Unless you are the annoying roommate. In that case, good luck, buddy.